Emotions

I never said it would be concise waiver.

Here are some ideas occurring to me recently as the approach gets welcomed into the approaches I already have. The point of this is to catch some lose threads of thought and also "keep knitting" as Jo says these strands together.
 Firstly I cannot stop using the word system or understanding, finding examples in terms of the idea I have so far of systems boundary defined by an area of interest etc.
Even more so my notion and relationship with change has altered greatly. I have learn that I would like to be the one to orchestrate the change, if change comes from another source and I means shift more than more organic changes, that to me are transformations, then I want to get behind the idea, or (get infront of the idea?) and lead teh change to serve my own ends. For example I heard during the first week of the course that we (theoneandonly and I) that we need to find somewhere else to live as our flat is being put up for sale. Change. Instead of being buffeted down that river ended up who knows where I have said o.k this is an opporutnity and we will use family help and buy while the many windows of opportunity are all open. So I start to make the decision that interest me and I claim the I'm moving/I'm buying system to fulfill a transformative function on me. I NEED to get something out of this and not feel a victim of casual disinterested fate, so I engineer some aims and they move swiftly from low to high priority until now I am infinitely absorbed in the endless paperwork and frustration of the 'buying a house' system which is so deeply flawed and imperfect I wonder why it hasn't been reformed. ( All I want to do know also is reform everything, which is not so different to last year but now I use the word system or systemic failure in the rant).

Why so personal is my question to myself. I'm always talking about myself, how I feel my work, I am organised my journey in life. I was listened to 3 female nobel prize winning scientist and it was so refershing to here about the work and with only a swift mention of them as in the work, as women with personalities, emotions, life stories. It seemed like they just got the job done and did so very well.

I however am really profoundly interested in emotion, what purpose does it serve, how it informs or provides a way to steer through change. In looking at the study guide for section 2 the idea of being in the unknown is raised. In dance with the students we talk about this ALL THE TIME. Don't try and be comfortable, don't expect it to make sense, keep pursuing your line of inquiry with curiosity, fin dyour motivation, find you confidence in the face of unknowns and so on and so on. I have been very concerned of late that what is I can't do what I say?. Over the summer I started performing in a piece that wasn't allowed to be set, or settle in its form and everytime we repeated a movement, a line of text any accidents or additions or debris that came in the redoing became conciously and added and the better we as dancers got at remember, organising, 5 ,6,7 bits of information and producing it attentively, responsively the more safe we felt, the less intersting things happens so the goalpost got moved again. I am beyond pleased to say that I managed to refuse the life rafts the choreographer offered in times of compassion and the purpose was to be drowning, but not die and enjoy it. It was beyond exhilarating, the question Jo posed 'is it now?' I ask over and over and is applied to everything.

So emotion (that someone pointed out to me one day is e-motion) is our shifting sense of self and shifting state of mind, emotion is change and chemically it is transformation. I don't think we can reasonably assess or reflect upon our involvement within a system of inquiry without talking about this as a driver. But not just a driver, the thing leading you and organising you but the thing teaching you. Far from being an irrational interruption to an otherwise objective and rational inquiry, it is the means by which we can learn to taste freedom, to operate as a free agent within a system.To fulfill or adapt to a potential position as agent, 'to do what is necessary',' to have what it takes' 'to respond to the situation' I'm convinced of this. We feel emotions as terrains that provide an "inner landscape" (Laban) with which we must negotiate not ignore. And there is something about our perception of inner and outer space that are reflexive, space in the body, space in the mind. Bjorn Erick said we cannot change space only our perception of it ( not sure how much I agree)

So in conclusion, emotions are a system of interest, they are the invisible forces that encourage us to defer or be passive rather than opposition and thus reaction by force not proactive by design. Alternatively when and as is currently so topically- Nelson Mandela springs to mind- when we are organised by hope, love, charity we free the potential in others and we are active agents in our wolrd, fully particpanting and responding to reality. This state o fleading is so unknown, it is to be a pioneer of you own life and it is deeply uncomfortable and this aversion to originating change, is also an aversion to particpating in change and then I arrive at the saying ' if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem' and it leasds me to rethink perpetuity and the ethics of our obligation to feel, to acknowledge, to act and to transform

I also understand sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea and a kitkat -so often the human condition-and them I am reminded in who makes kit kat and what I am reinforcing and Iwonder is to answer the call of these difficult times a pledge to live in unending discomfort with a savage alertness to systemic failure and suffering, not as an end in itself but as a means to invite new transformed behaviour. Is the problem that the solution is too demanding, and we are not equipped to deal with an ego that needs to preserved its own self interest to do its job.