Walking as a relational dynamic (ACTIVITY RESPONSE)

Friday 15th Nov
First I thought about my answer without moving which I know is not the point of the activity but I as being lazy as I had settled into reading from the workbook. I imagined walking consciously across my living room. I recalled experiences of mindful walking from dance improvisation and from kinhin as resident at Zen Mountain Monastery by paying attention I would feel the weight transfer sequentially through heel to toe, if very slow the moment of falling in between foot to foot that becomes challenging to your balance and the proprioception in your feet and ankles. I would feel the push of the floor and supporting that the push of the earth back up to support me. I imagined the contents and layout of the living room wrapping in a curve into my periphery, I imagined a short route and probably a straight diagonal line as my preference is often for that trajectory when asking to walk spatial pathways. I remember when you move the mind reminds..'are you breathing?'

When I actually did it it was much different.
My hip is in spasm so my consciousness of my adapting walking pattern is sharpened by shooting pains up the hip socket and in my adductor. I picked a very short route and noticed the rhyming of walking becomes more dynamic and syncopated when you walk asymmetrically. I noticed the surfaces under my feet change from rug to bare floor to rug. I used the back of a chair to try and circumvent the frustration of a inefficient lurching walk but it had limited success. The whole body feels askew and ill at ease. I notice my posture and lengthen the crown of my head upwards to find lightness against a condemnatory mind state. (This moment is lesser, limited, not full potential, undesirable). I feel the curving of tense fingers cool air subtly slipping between each digit. I notice I don't look down as my pathway is clear and I know it in this situation, I notice I am looking forward but not really seeing as I am reaching internally for information to record this experience for homework. When i get the six feet to the nearest wall, I lean the front of my body and the side of my face into the wall to meet the boundary, to keep the body talking, for a bit of relief and stony comfort and its feels novel and then I stop.

I am very interested to find the term 'relational thinking' used in the study guide as opposed to linear thinking. I enjoy the differentiation. I think I am a relation thinker and reflect on the authors comment about suprise about how many don't reference the surface they are walking on. It gives rise to many memories for me, the day one tutor intuitvely coaching me on a rather stiff and anxious presentation of a movement phrase that I wanted to get right, that was supposed to be generous spatially and into the full reaches of the kinesphere. I am a tall long legged person so the far reaches of my kinesphere cover alot of space if I explore them. Janet Kaylo, the teacher said to me something like ' you do know the floor is holding up right?....and there will always be a surface underneath supporting you, so you don't have to hold your own weight all by yourself. This reassurance changed my conciousness, my level of tension and control, my ability to breath and release and therefore experience weight and therefore shift with momentum all beneficial in a way that has only deepened since that first 'a-ha' moment. It also make me think of the module on the absent body, that many people relate only to the body when it speaks to them through pain. I am not suprised that many people don't mention the floor or ground. This is not the predominant culture or source of attention in Western culture, even many discourses about engaging with exercise do so in the relation of imposing control and regulation on a undisciplined body (Foucault). This reminded me of another motivation to study systems. If the relational thinking is valued and is cultivated by body experience then there is counter argument to using tech to replace physical processes.

I also was reminded of a day doing rail balancing for hours when I was Parkour training. The focussing of attention that caution or even fear gave me gave rise to me thinking something along the lines of ..'
as I walk the rail makes an impression into the surface of my feet, I have a tactile picture via touch of the 3-D proportions of the rail, reading the rail like sonar measuring depth. When my feet are tense, my balance is worse as the sensitivity and the dialogue between me and rail is lessened. The richness of info about the rail reflects the openess in my body. So the rail tells me about me, as a mirror reflect you back to you'. To which I concluded in my musing-I need to connect to environment to experience self.